Surprises

 

What do the following items have in common?  A large pocket knife, Lego pieces, a bottle cap, .357 bullets,  truck keys, 2 inch sheetrock screws, AA batteries, Captain America, a flashlight (separate from the batteries), post-it note, string, $12.37, and GI Joe’s motorcycle.   ???

You give up?   They’ve all recently come out of my washer or dryer.   Which meant they had to somehow sneak INTO my washer or dryer.  Like, stealthily sneak in hiding in someone’s pocket or dirty clothes.  I live in a house with three guys and as much as they would like me to believe otherwise and that these things just somehow sprouted feet and dove into the washer of their own volition, my guys don’t seem to know how to clean out their own pockets. 

It’s long been an unwritten rule around our house that Mom does NOT clean out your pockets.  If you’re old enough to put something into the pocket then by George you are certainly old enough to remove it from the pocket before putting it in the dirty clothes hamper.  And so it is written.  End of story.  After all what do I look like?  Your mother?  Your maid?  … oh wait, I am kinda the mother but I refuse to be the maid.  Well, unless you count cooking, cleaning, doing your laundry… oh nevermind.  I don’t do pockets.

I should make a clarification here, if something obviously falls out of the pocket, makes a loud metallic thunking noise, or otherwise is of sufficient weight to be noticed as I’m sorting or dumping it into the washer it might just be saved.  That’s depending on my mood, and how observant I am at the moment.  Let’s face it chances are not in their favor.

I mentioned this in a facebook post once and got some really great comments about what other Moms have found in their washers over the years.  The most interesting had to be my friend who found dead worms in her son’s pocket after having gone through the washer and drier.   Niiiice!   As twisted as that is, it makes you kinda glad you didn’t find them ALIVE, huh? 

DJ managed to have his first two cell phones washed but after having to replace them at his own expense, hasn’t made that same mistake in many years.  The most tragic washing accident was probably once when David had his construction business and accidentally left a check in his pocket for several thousand dollars.  Ooops!   Since it was in about 300 pieces in my dryer lint trap, the bank would have had some serious trouble cashing it.  Good thing the guy was a good sport and reissued it. 

I’m old, and boring, and I don’t get a lot of surprises in my life anymore.  Maybe this is just God’s way of letting me live on the wild side??  Every time I finish a load of clothes I get to see what little surprises are waiting for me in the bottom of the washer.  Or in the case of money, kinda like they’re leaving me a tip?  Yeah, 23 cents!  A few more days with a haul like this and I can afford a dollar coke from McDonalds!  Of course if one of those bullets goes off in the dryer one day, it’s probably going to totally ruin my love of surprises??