I Hear Voices

Technology nowadays isn't just lightning fast and state of the art, it TALKS to you.  Like I stopped by an ATM this morning and in addition to the regular screen questions and the "you will be be charged $50 to withdraw $20, do you wish to continue?"  kinda stuff, it TALKED to me.  Or rather SHE talked to me.  Ever notice that most of the voices are women?  Ever wonder why?  Hmmmm...

It also seems many of these voices have a distinctly British accent.  Is that maybe because we're supposed to associate that accent with distinction or good manners?  Well heck y'all... this is TEXAS!  Don't you think it oughta have a good ole redneck southern accent?  Even the ATM's that don't talk usually have an option for directions in Spanish.  The Chase ATM's at my hospital have a whole bunch of choices, from chinese mandarin to arabic, so why can't we have "southern english" as an option.  It could be kind of like "english pirate" on facebook?  By the way, if you've never re-set your facebook language preference to english pirate, you absolutely without question must do that for at least one day.  It is pee your pants HILARIOUS!!

So when we pull up to a Texas ATM, instead of some snooty British broad saying "Welcome to Blah Blah Bank.  Please select an option below", it would say something in a distinctly southern drawl like... "Welllll, hay thare sugar!  Howsyamomanem?"  (Translation for my out of state friends... that's "how's your Mom and them" all run together.)  Then it could wink, fart, and burp at you before saying "Well bless yur little heart, yur runnin kinda low ain't ya?  You jus take yer muney das fixin ta cum out rite cher below this here screen and spend it careful now!"   Instead of "thank you and come again" and it would be something more like "You best be gittin on down da road der.  Be sure and give yo momma a big hug from me when ya see er!"

Well shoot, the options for this would be endless!  How about an english pirate version too..."Arg Matey! Be enterin yer secret treasure code to malay yer booty!"  Or a Vegas version "Now pull that little handle on the right side of the machine to see if you will actually receive your cash below."

I mean if we gotta pay through the nose to get our own money we might as well be entertained, right?